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Sunday, November 19, 2006

All these seventeen years, I constantly dared myself to do and try strange stuffs. Sometimes, I will even go as far as to visit a brothel, on mere mention, with indeed intention on doing so when I know I'm near the end of my time. I know the filthy feels, the irreversible consequences if I were to contract AIDS. Because Life for me, comes only once. When it ends, I will just be underground not knowing that I'm Hawwei, and what's more , I'll lose my loved ones.



The thought of being six foot underground or cremated is definitely horrifying, what can be even be more painful to lose my loved one? I remember when I was young, my grandfather passed away. As naive as I could be at that time, the only thing I can recall is the image of my father not dropping a single tear at the wake, but become out of his usual self days after that. I saw him sobbing but quickly wiped them off his tears. He was only trying to show us that it's a must to be strong.


Deep in me now, I actually regretted not being on closer terms with my grandfather. To me, it's even too late to cry and let him know I do cherish him. It's even impossible to let him know that I will cry if I were to be 17 yrs old at that time, because Man can never escape Death and can never revive. From these, I held on strong to cherish everyone around me, and not be weak. The only thing to do is remembering the words exchanged and the way he would cuddle me into his embrace when I was still very a minor and never forget them..


For me, I'm engulfed in worry.



Since you left me dead laid here ;
[8:36 PM]