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Tuesday, December 18, 2007

I thought it over, and over. And came to realising that it will be good if I don't just leave my blog to rot. I have tags left not replied, things left undone, and thoughts left unwritten.

Been having too much to handle with, even though none of what I had is constructive ,but at least I do enjoy myself since the holidays started. Can't believe months have passed without realising and cherishing of time, it's already December and Year 2008 is just a wink away shortly after Christmas. While everyone around me is preparing their Xmas gifts to exchange, I'm thinking hard of something to do with someone at somewhere on that day. But it's just seconds before something jolts me back to reality and know that I'm going nowhere this Xmas.

Maybe it's good in another way, to spend a Xmas not going anywhere in an imaginary space I call mine. Ok, to be blatant - sleep. I just feel so sick that there's a constrain to what I can do at this age now. I want to drive my own car, and buy my own house and start a family. But my age doesn't permits me to do so. And days are just spent away doing nothing. Kinda sad.

When I feel that I am a great disappointment to myself weeks ago, Mr Gabriel called from China. I was really, really touched. A simple ,short conversation over the phone told me I wasn't forgotten and he , as usual, talked about Yuan Pei doing funny things when he got drunk. Haha. I felt myself being pieced back that moment, even though not foolproof , but I recovered myself. I found pieces of my attitude and discipline again. Thank you Lao Peh.

After weeks without blogging, I find it so strange. I find that it's kind of difficult to open myself to whoever will read, and whoever will ask. I'm afraid of the lousy answers I can find, and I'm shameful of what I tell.



Since you left me dead laid here ;
[3:07 AM]