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Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Many of my readers actually thought that I have a girlfriend. Sometimes they see me and will just shoot, where's your new girlfriend? I'll give them a funny look and rebut since when I had one ?


It's something much beaten to ordinary peace and the greatest part of this is the featured Tam everytime in my posts is not my gf;yet or never to be. It dragged back to more precisely my birthday last year. After being stood up by a person who said to celebrate my birthday, I remembered I went out with Ivan and gang and it's like a funny looking comet shooting down leaving an impact at my heart. And that comet is Tam. We know each other through Msea and slowly went on with communicating through phone calls. As time passes, I carry a torch for her. At the start when everyone know about how I feel towards her, people have been telling me not to put too much into this. Because this is something virtual. And behind the computer I can be Brad Pitt. Get what I meant?




So I became a total skeptic inevitably and held myself from falling into this pit I never know was it real or not. I believed everything she says, but not too much. Because if one day she simply terminate her handphone service or something, I'll be left a moron crying. But yet on the other side, was her sincere attitude towards me I feel. And from then on, I never cared about what I heard about her in the past any once more. Counting till now, it has already been a total of near 6 months I've been waiting to be with her in reality. My heart wrenched every time I see guys with girlfriends and only to know, I have one whom I love but I don't know when will us end up together. Tam told me we are going to meet in May with my heart always asking why does love have to wait? So never mind, I've been holding on with the loneliness and excitement whenever I imagine May to arrive. I hug my pillow like I'm hugging someone I love , I interlock my hands and later on build castles thinking one of my hand's Tam's and suppress my love to be showered on someone till now, May's coming.








May's coming, she's leaving. I don't mind her leaving. But all I want to have is the feeling that I bear all these while to be real. I want to confirm this, and not make me the only fool in the end. And I want to know, she really exists.


















Tell me what will you do if you were me ?



Since you left me dead laid here ;
[12:02 AM]